Ever feel like you’re spinning your wheels into a cyclone of eternal frustration? You hit the breaks momentarily, gather enough ambitious fury to take off again, and the spinning frenzy resumes. They say the squeaky wheel gets the oil, but you’re squealing to the tune of:
Come tomorrow morning, I’m going on a diet…
I’m going to start eating clean- soon as I’m done with this ice cream bar…
New Year’s Resolution: I’m hitting the gym, for about three weeks…
I’m sticking to it this time, until I’m not…
This litany of disclaimers is only cliché because it’s familiar. While I don’t believe in any “secrets to success”, I DO think success comes with a giant super-hurdle called PERSEVERANCE. I know, I know, more clichés. But hang with me while I share a profound personal revelation, because what I once believed was admirable dedication, was in reality, problematic and paralyzing perfectionism.
It may be surprising (or not at all), that I prefer life in the fast lane. It’s both true and serious, literally and figuratively. Let’s skip the literal illustrations and move right along. Haha! Figuratively speaking, on the rare occasion that I choose to hit the brakes and back up to look over my shoulder, it’s likely I’ve long-since missed the flashing lights. Such was the case when the following phrase had me screech to a halt while speed-reading Oswald Chambers:
Perseverance means more than just hanging on, which may be only exposing our fear of letting go and falling.
I think– nope– I know the reason I did a double-take on this one. It pegs me and I feel nauseous even admitting it. My perseverance is a fantastic disguise for some serious underlying control issues. Gasp- did I just share that outloud?! As if it’s any secret. I may like to call myself determined, but I’d be lying if I said it’s never destructive or counter-productive. More often than not.
[Allow me an anecdotal illustration…]
As a child, I took piano lessons, and each week I’d practice the given song selection. The problem for me was that if the practice itself wasn’t perfect, I’d execute a self-inflicted torture cycle until it was. As soon as I missed a note or fell out of rhythm, I’d stop and promptly return to the beginning of the song to try again. I was determined to execute the ENTIRE song perfectly during practice. With each “mess up”, I’d force a re-start, increasing my frustration to the point I was sloppier and sloppier, and counterproductively upset. My mom would insist I take a break and come back to it, but I’d have none of it. Instead, I raged and cried. It was juvenile and I was a maniacal disaster. I’m embarrassed even recalling it!
They say that practice makes perfect, but I couldn’t see that practice is a process on the way to perfect. Crazy as my behavior seems in hindsight, I still experience similar hang-ups. Many of us maintain poor relationships between ourselves and our expectations. We get caught up in cycles of defeat, restarting the same song every time we fall out of key. Whether starting a fitness plan, or trying to change a habit, we might see some progress, but as soon as we backslide, we feel defeated and decide to wait for our next re-set. Our determination to “start-again” denies us the opportunity to engage the process of improvement. Or sometimes our fear of failure just straight paralyzes us— we don’t want to start something if we aren’t guaranteed a flawless execution and a painless experience.
I used to think my desire for perfection was a steadfast will to not give up for anything! But I WAS giving up on the process of progress. Rather than carry on, learn from my mistakes, and connect with the song itself, I became paralyzed by dysfunctional perfectionism. All I got was a lousy, miserable experience! That doesn’t have to be our life.
We all face obstacles and struggles; we have habits we want to change. But if you’re one for whom perceived failures have left you paralyzed, let me encourage you not to start over, but to KEEP GOING in spite of the trials! Cliché as it seems, practice will make perfect, but it is a process that must be endured, not avoided. I’m choosing to slow the vehicle down (only a little;-), and persevere for the joyful experience of progress. It’s a flaw-filled song I’ve entitled “Stumbling Forward Imperfectly Well”… feel free to join the chorus!
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